“We argue at times and get mad at each other. How to Be a Successful Stay at Home Mom – Use Our Survival Guide! If moms do stay home, they’re sometimes criticized by others, in person or online, for being lazy or anti-feminist. Parents able to move out of their comfort zones and who don’t need to be “right” at all costs are better able to change, she says. Besides if your husband loves you, he wants to see you happy! How to Harness Indirect Communication, the Unspoken Language of Marriage: The Conscious Discipline Method Helps Parents Think More and Punish Less, How to Make the Most of a Long, Dark Winter, According to a Minnesota Dad, This Simple Rule Makes Quality Time With Kids So Much Better, 5 Tips to Make End of Life Care Conversations Easier. Preparation is key. Yes, it is work and it does take … Being the sole provider for not just your wife but your child often comes with incredible pressure and stress that your wife might not think about or understand. What do you want the president to prioritize in the next four years? Men want their wives to initiate sex. Being a SAHM is their job…but it also isn’t: Confusing? RELATED: The Emotional Care And Feeding Of The Stay At Home Mom – Scary Mommy. The best advice I can give a husband as a stay-at-home mom is to give your wife “me time.” Everyone needs time away from their job and moms are no different. For example, you have established the tone for the rest of the discussion, and now your spouse must respond to what you have said. For example, instead of saying “I disagree…”, try saying “I view things differently…” While playing the diplomat is an effective method of getting your point across, you do not want to be so accommodating that your original point is lost. You have a lot to share with your spouse – sometimes good and sometimes bad. They also more explicitly mention feeling guilty. “I didn’t realize how important it was to my psyche to have people offer praise until it completely disappeared, and I was working harder than ever.”. Show your appreciation. “But that’s where you have to have patience and forgiveness. They usually handle all the things by themselves, start from breakfast, cleaning, babysit and everything. There are a variety of reasons why a mom might not speak up. Parents able to move out of their comfort zones and who don’t need to be “right” at all costs are better able to change, she says. Being a stay at home mom is hard. There are several advantages to being the first person to speak. A separate bank account or investment in only her name might help alleviate anxiety about feeling financially dependent on her husband and give her peace of mind that she won’t be destitute in the event of a divorce. The reason might be financial: If her salary doesn’t cover or barely covers the cost of childcare while both parents work, it often makes more economic sense for her to stay home. “WOAH – we don’t get to wear our cozy jammies all day?” Nope. Something went wrong please contact us at support@fatherly.com. You do not have to craft an eloquent speech. Dads do, too. She and Alec don’t spend a lot of time together because when he’s home at night or on the weekends, she’s in desperate need of a break. It is often difficult for stay at home mothers to speak up and make their feelings known. Typically, a SAHM is a woman who cares for the children while the other partner is working outside the home. If a stay-at-home mom charged what she was actually worth, she'd make upwards of $162,000 a year, Melissa Petro says. My husband would kill to be in my shoes but he has chosen to give me, to give us, this precious gift of being a stay-at-home mom. In 2014, the Pew Research Center reported that the percentage of mothers who chose to stay home and not work had increased for the first time in decades: Whereas in 1999, 23 percent of mothers stayed home with the kids, that figure had risen to 29 percent by 2012. I made sure to tell him so that he could spark some laughs, too.”. It is more effective not to read from a sheet of paper, but if you are extremely nervous, don’t hesitate to use your notes as a backup. Being the sole provider for not just your wife but your child often comes with incredible pressure and stress that your wife might not think about or understand. Finally, you have gotten the part that you fear the most – the fear of speaking up – so you cannot duck speaking your truth. Parenting and marriage aren’t easy, adds Jason B., the father of a first-grade girl in Overland Park, Kansas, who works full time so his wife can stay home with their daughter. and worry they’re not keeping the house neat enough or taking good enough care of the kids, even when their husbands aren’t complaining. GET DRESSED. Thanks for helping me to see that I’m not all alone trying to be mom, maid, cook, family accountant, party planner, etc. The resentment will probably be worse. I'm a husband and father of three daughters. ... that many times goes unrewarded and unappreciated, and that sees no change up during the day. We just want you to take the kids. Don’t allow emotions and feelings to get the best of you during this time. Although the arrangement is no longer a given, many women still consider ditching work to care for their children full time to be living the dream. Although we would like for the husband to thank us for doing the 8 loads of laundry, cooking his favorite meal, ironing his shirts for work and making his toes curl, it may never come. Once the tradition and norm, today, mothers’ decisions to stay home with the kids might merely be due to personal preference or  because she was raised to think that’s what mothers should do. My DH watches our DD two nights a month so I can get more than 4 hours of sleep, the next day all he does is either complain how tired he is or say it wasn't that bad! It’s time to march … That’s putting WAY too much pressure on a three-year-old. I used my driver’s license far more than my degrees. Write it down in simple terms. Perhaps she is somewhat timid, afraid of controversy or just wants to keep the peace. How to Stay Positive No Matter What – Quotes Included! 3# Ask your husband and your kids to help you. It isn’t just mom who needs understanding and empathy during the transition to parenthood, however. Mothers who quit working to stay home with children aren’t just adjusting to motherhood, they’re adjusting to a completely different type of work, one with little feedback and no easy measure of success compared to their experience in the workplace. Have discovered assets in excess of$50k that I assume sister with POA has kept. But the key to making a marriage work when one parent is a stay-at-home mom and one parent goes to work, is expectation management and empathy. Similar, more antiquated terms are a homemaker or housewife, although some people still embrace these monikers for this role. Date Night. “I always make sure to share with him the little helpful tips I’d discover about our daughter so he could help with our routines,” Storelli says. Dispatches From the Gender Gap: Work-From-Home Moms in the Time of Coronavirus “I think mothers get this more than men do sometimes. There’s a way to talk about your feeling of unappreciation without arguing. Mothers at home tend to be younger than working mothers: 42 percent of stay-at-home moms in 2012 were under age 35 compared with 35 percent of working moms, and stay-at-home mothers are more likely to have children under age 5. Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for being exhausted and worry they’re not keeping the house neat enough or taking good enough care of the kids, even when their husbands aren’t complaining. Elizabeth says she doesn’t feel like she and her husband knew what they were in for when they decided to have kids and that she has had doubts about whether being a stay-at-home mom was the right decision for her. It’s okay because there are days that always make up for it. “When they come to me, it’s normally because dad feels like mom is not doing enough, and he should be able to come home and relax and not be an engaged parent, or mom doesn’t want to stay home anymore because it’s not as rewarding or satisfying as she presumed,” says Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Staten Island, New York. “You need to decide together what’s necessary for the needs of everyone in the family and how you can both contribute to making that a reality.”. ... A Husband's Opinion on Stay-at-Home Moms - Duration: 5:23. Get the best of Fatherly in your inbox. So, I'm in a great position to offer advice to husbands of stay at home moms. It’s quite the paradox. by jturner7156 updated on October 18, 2019 September 24, 2019. “I think [my husband] has a hard time understanding how draining it is to be constantly fulfilling others’ needs without any recognition or having anyone offering to support me in meeting my own needs,” says Elizabeth, a mother of a 6- and a 3-and-a-half-year old in Boston. Cindy, who asked that we not use her last name, describes her ex-husband and the father of her 13-year-old son as an incredibly involved and loving parent, but says that nonetheless, there were occasional problems related to money. It sounds like a straightforward and practical arrangement: Dad works outside the home full time and Mom stays home to take care of the children. They’re sometimes accused of not being good role models for kids growing up in a society that puts a greater value on careers than it does on homemaking. Every couple is different. But for whatever reason you might be a stay-at-home parent, you will probably encounter some less-than-evolved thinking about your job (yes, it’s a job). Mother passed Oct. 4, 2019. and still feeling unappreciated. In 2014, the Pew Research Center reported that the percentage of mothers who chose to stay home and not work had increased for the first time in decades: Whereas in 1999, 23 percent of mothers stayed home with the kids, that figure had risen to 29 percent by 2012. When the toddlers have taken over city, its time to flee the madness. Coping With Divorce Stay At Home Mom Issues. Know that you are a unique individual even if you’re Stay at Home Mom Feeling Unappreciated by her Husband, and your voice deserves to be heard. If moms do stay home, they’re sometimes criticized by others, in person or online, for being lazy or anti-feminist. You merely have to write down what it is you want to express. It discussed this very issue. “[My husband, Alec] realizes I have the harder job, but he thinks I stress too much about all of the messes and should just chill out and not worry about living in a toy/paint/yogurt-covered mess,” Powers says. Being a mom is perhaps the most all-inclusive and demanding job in the history of “man”kind. What’s important is to come to some agreement about roles and expectations, whatever those look like, Henry says. Men want to feel wanted. A nagging pressure that they should be grateful for even the more disgusting aspects of full-time motherhood is something many women express when talking about staying home with their kids. “So stay-at-home parents should make a point of getting together with other parents.”. This is a harder job than a single person can imagine. Even when women love the idea of staying home with their children, however, the arrangement creates strain in a marriage. If you're facing such a situation, read the suggestions from the … Walsh wrote this after fielding several unintentionally condescending comments about his wife, who is a stay-at-home mother raising their kids. With some work, couples can get better at those things, but a really important component in making the stay-at-home mom, working dad partnership work is respect, Tessina says. Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for. It isn’t easy to find the time and can feel hard to justify focusing on yourselves instead of your child. You may have had a long day with the kids. Here's what I've learned: Stay at home moms … This is at the top of my list when it comes to advice for husbands of stay-at … That's the long and short of it. This makes sense, afterall. Having … Many couples who make this decision for their families agree — in theory, at least  — that each parent has a challenging and important job. Your ideas and feelings should be phrased in such a way that is not viewed as confrontational, but still gets your point across. When it comes to divorce, a stay at home mom faces extra challenges, such as no control over the finances, no paycheck, and less power in the relationship. Data Shows Most Kids Aren't Falling Behind in School During the Pandemic, Gordon Ramsey's Daughter Rejects Dad's Cooking In Hilarious Viral Video, This Buddhist Monk's Metallica Cover Quite Simply Rules. If you are playing the diplomat, then you have created a non-threatening tone for the rest of the discussion. This is the moment we feel out of control and though we could handle this more calmly, desperate times call for desperate measures (read: yelling and taking things away). I know, I know — when you work full-time, you have a super limited … My wife has worked on and off, but currently stays home with our toddler. My husband has a powerful position and I am a stay at home mom. It’s what everyone wanted but somehow, sometimes, no one is happy. Not really. … A Chicago mother of one with another child on the way, Jennifer Storelli loved her first job after earning her journalism degree at Northwestern University but says, “Honestly, I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Learning how to step outside your comfort zone and speak up is certainly easier said than done, but it will be well worth the effort it requires. Just for thought, a landmark study conducted by DecisionWise found that an inability to speak up in a business meeting led to escalated feelings of dissatisfaction, absenteeism, reduced performance, and employee turnover. They also more explicitly mention feeling guilty. Staying at home for your kids is good, but I am not doing this job for my kids. And remember first and foremost that love brought you together and love will keep you there.”. Your relationship will be better place for you having made your voice heard. At least for a night. “It is a very, very trying gig. Because many, when moms stay home, if mothers work full time, they’re accused of harming their children’s development and emotional well-being by leaving them with other caretakers. Dads do, too. Gloat in all of the things you were able to accomplish for the day. They may feel that since they are not financially contributing to the home, that they have no room to express their feelings. I feel so childish/selfish for even feeling this way, but I just do. I get this. And an emotional juggernaut.”. “For example, she went through a phase when she thought the word ‘chewy’ was hilarious. How does he make you feel unappreciated? Less than one-third (28 percent) of married moms said they consider full-time work ideal for them, according to a 2019 survey by the Institute for Family Studies. My husband … Because many people believe kids are better off when moms stay home, if mothers work full time, they’re accused of harming their children’s development and emotional well-being by leaving them with other caretakers. Whatever you do, don’t try to place all of the blame on your husband. “For instance, once we were looking for a car and I suggested a Mercedes, and he went off the deep end about what the fuck was I thinking and that I was spoiled.”, Many dads, sometimes because they’re dealing with their own new pressures and stresses as the sole breadwinner, don’t always grasp how complicated, conflicted and unexpected women’s feelings might be about being home alone all day with a baby, which Cindy describes as “heaven and hell.”, “Some days seemed endless,” Cindy says. The two become a team, and with being a team there are responsibilities. I cannot expect my family to fulfill me. Give her time to be kid-free, to do something fun or something for herself. Even though I had what every mom hopes for — the ability to stay home with my baby and a husband who made it happen — I was so exhausted and had no family in town and my friends (none of whom had kids) kind of disappeared on me.”. Preparation is key. This is particularly so when research suggests that new dads earn more, according to a, Although the arrangement is no longer a given, many women still consider ditching work to care for their children full time to be living the dream. “Where marriages can go wrong is when the decision is not explored deeply enough and there are assumptions and expectations made on both ends on what this will look like for their family.”, There are certain personality traits that can make couples’ conflict resolution easier, says, , a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, California, and the author of. Besides, there may be things he is going through as well so be prepared to receive how he feels. My husband thinks I do nothing as a stay at home mom - feeling unappreciated- Help Me Mama Help Me Mama By Emily Ortega. Many men are offended at the suggestion that they might not provide for their families if they were to divorce their wives, but people change when they’re no longer happy, are hurt or feel they deserve vengeance, Henry says. I'm a first time stay at home mom and I would kill my husband if he says that. “If they feel like a team that’s working together to give their family the best life possible, they’ll probably do well,” Tessina says. When in actuality, they are contributing to the home because of the money they are saving by not having to pay childcare expenses, less expenses on gas and dining out. “So stay-at-home parents should make a point of getting together with other parents.”, Socializing away from home helps moms maintain an identity outside of the family, which is not only important for their mental health, but makes the transition later from full-time motherhood to autonomy easier, Henry says. And to take it a step further, do you realize how many moms out there only dream of being in our position? ↓ Something went wrong. I am not doing this job for my husband. However, I think the strain of balancing a full-time career and motherhood would’ve been harder for me than it has been to stay at home. I've been a stay-at-home mom for five years to a 4-year-old and 2-year-old. The ability to verbalize feelings and needs, a capacity for self-examination and willingness to own up to mistakes as well as a sense of humor all make weathering parenting storms easier. Let her do a … As hard as it has been to be with them all the time, being away from them is even harder. I am not a SAHM but I have a sneaking suspicion that you aren't feeling unappreciated as a stay at home MOM, you're feeling unappreciated and neglected as a wife and a woman!!! Stay at Home Mom Quotes that are Inspirational. Husband's Letter to Stay-at-Home Mom This Husband's Letter to His Wife Will Change the Way You Think of Stay-at-Home Moms ... "So even though today was hard and you feel unappreciated … In a report published in 2018, Pew found that the number of stay-at-home moms had dropped only a bit at 27 percent by 2016. We're lucky and we're so blessed for that stay-at-home mom exhaustion we get to feel daily. But now is not the time to express that. Domestic labor and childcare are often undervalued, and moms often feel unappreciated. Alec helps make it work by letting her sleep in on Saturday mornings and taking care of their son a night or two a week so she can go out and see friends. As a mother, they have a strong internal drive to serve the family. You may have had a long day with the kids. You probably had to eliminate your exercise time, who knows? Once the tradition and norm, today, mothers’ decisions to stay home with the kids might merely be due to personal preference or  because she was raised to think that’s what mothers should do. A harmonious relationship won’t look the same for every couple in which Mom stays home with the kids. Less than one-third (28 percent) of married moms said they consider full-time work ideal for them, according to a, by the Institute for Family Studies. “Children thrive when a healthy stay-at-home parent is there, but it can be lonely and isolating,” says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Southern California and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together. In every dish I wash and diaper I change, I … Lack of sleep and free time can make anyone angry, and fuses can run short,” he says. For the most part, society generally supports this traditional arrangement. The ability to verbalize feelings and needs, a capacity for self-examination and willingness to own up to mistakes as well as a sense of humor all make weathering parenting storms easier. She wants her husband to understand how hopeless [it] can be to feel like you have lost your identity and sense of purpose since having to step away from your previous profession. I wanted to throw things at my husband when he came home and though he was the most tired because he had ‘worked’ all day. But many couples with a new baby are so busy trying to figure out how to be parents that they don’t have the time and energy to monitor how their relationship is changing. There are certain personality traits that can make couples’ conflict resolution easier, says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, California, and the author of The Self-Aware Parent. ... my husband certainly has my appreciation but he also gets raises and papers published and teaching awards and things of that nature so that he knows that his work is being appreciated by his peers. In a. published in 2018, Pew found that the number of stay-at-home moms had dropped only a bit at 27 percent by 2016. Wow, this is how I feel each and every day…unappreciated. It sounds like a straightforward and practical arrangement: “When they come to me, it’s normally because dad feels like mom is not doing enough, and he should be able to come home and relax and not be an engaged parent, or mom doesn’t want to. They’re sometimes accused of not being good role models for kids growing up in a society that puts a greater value on careers than it does on homemaking. As a stay at home mom or wife, there may be times you feel unappreciated by your husband but instead of building resentment, a simple conversation may help. We have adopted 2 children and I have one step child. What are the most important points you want to get across to your husband? "I Am Totally Underappreciated" The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of being unappreciated. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work, and often women stay at home because they can’t afford childcare or daycare. Or the appreciation may not come when we would like it to. Oops! “Staying at home with children does not have to negatively impact the relationship at all, especially when it’s what both parties want,” says Devon Jorge, MSW, a psychotherapist in Kitchener, Canada. New parenthood is all about transition. I got my driver’s license after a short course … Stay-at-home moms feel guilty for being exhausted and worry they’re not keeping the house neat enough or taking good enough care of the kids, even when their husbands aren’t complaining. “I try and realize these are precious moments and I’m going to miss them when he is older, but when my son wipes his snot all over the new shirt I’m wearing or when he takes 1,000 hours to get from the door to the car, and then pees his pants when I finally buckle him, it’s very hard,” says Stephanie Powers, a mother of a 3-year-old in Tampa, Florida. Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content, Oops! Often times, it is deemed easier just to remain silent. “Children thrive when a healthy stay-at-home parent is there, but it can be lonely and isolating,” says, , Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Southern California and author of, How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together, . Being a mom is hard. It will be better for you and your relationship. These techniques will certainly be helpful for learning how to express how you feel without arguing, but you cannot truly overcome your fear of speaking up unless you accept one single truth about yourself. Dad worked all day and wants to come home and just relax, The Emotional Care And Feeding Of The Stay At Home Mom – Scary Mommy, 7 Ways to Handle Overly Critical or Judgemental People. Stay-at-home mom probably the one who facing this kind of situation a lot. I'm 32 and I don't see a clear deadline for when I can return to work. “It could be deciding how can you pitch in and she gets a break, or getting a babysitter and going out separately or together,” Henry says. It’s impossible to capture what running a family … What to Do when You’re a Stay at Home Mom Feeling Unappreciated by Husband Prepare in advance what you want to say. What can he do to help you feel more appreciated. Statistically, married, college-educated mothers are less likely to quit working and stay home with the kids, but many educated women abandon promising careers to take care of their children. Some of the stress stay-at-home moms deal with stems from the more obvious, and exhausting, responsibilities of caring for children. … Just five years ago, 60 percent of people polled said that kids were better off if mothers stayed home rather than worked. I get the feeling that staying at home is not good enough for him. So approach the conversation as you would approach a business meeting…with facts and not feelings! Feeling Unappreciated by Husband as a Stay at Home Mom? In addition to making an effort to understand what their working husbands are going through, it’s helpful for stay-at-home moms to make dads feel included and important to the baby’s development. Psychology Today posted an article called Invisible Mom. We have been together for almost 20 years now. Being a wife is a job,and so is being a husband. Her home was supposedly transferred on death to sister by other POA (mother's deceased husband), after removing mother's name from deed, yet home is still in his name. , 60 percent of people polled said that kids were better off if mothers stayed home rather than worked. It isn’t just mom who needs understanding and empathy during the transition to parenthood, however. However, research suggests that fear of speaking up can ultimately cost you your happiness. Men are designed to analyze facts. You can then review your ideas and organize them into a cohesive train of thought. Can't afford $7500 retainer fee wanted by a lawyer. “[My husband, Alec] realizes I have the harder job, but he thinks I stress too much about all of the messes and should just chill out and not worry about living in a toy/paint/yogurt-covered mess,” Powers says. Then ask yourself, how should you say them? People will respond more positively to what you have to say if they do not feel confronted or threatened. Because we’ve … Therefore, take the initiative to learn how to appreciate yourself. “Staying at home with children does not have to negatively impact the relationship at all, especially when it’s what both parties want,” says, , MSW, a psychotherapist in Kitchener, Canada. For one thing, there’s an undeniable change in the power dynamic when one person holds the pursestrings. I've worked pretty much 40 hours+ a week since I graduated high school. Alternately, she might be afraid of hurting her husband’s feelings or seeming ungrateful since he is the breadwinner of the home. The key is focusing on making a decision to always be there for the other person. She suggests mothers should ask for they want instead of remaining silent. If that could happen in a business relationship, what could happen in a romantic relationship? “But if the working parent doesn’t respect the stay-at-home parent or isn’t willing to cooperate, there will be problems.”. SAHM is an acronym for a stay-at-home mom. Importantly, stay at home moms often need their husbands to understand how difficult it is to lose your identity; husbands need their wives to understand the pressure they’re under to provide for their family and how isolated from their new kids they feel. Devote some time to thinking about what it is you want to say. “Many days, I cried and was lonely as hell, and overwhelmed. The author, Nancy Collier stated that moms feel unappreciated, unacknowledged and unseen. Don’t allow emotions and feelings to get the best of you during this time. It’s crucial, however, to make checking in with each other a priority to make sure you both feel heard and understood and like you’re both putting effort into the relationship. In addition to making an effort to understand what their working husbands are going through, it’s helpful for stay-at-home moms to make dads feel included and important to the baby’s development. Feeling Unappreciated by Husband as a Stay at Home Mom? The reason might be financial: If her salary doesn’t cover or barely covers the cost of childcare while both parents work, it often makes more economic sense for her to stay home. Percent by 2016 Coping with Divorce stay at home because they can’t afford childcare or daycare do... Mother, they have a lot more relevant content, Oops only a bit at 27 by... 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Of staying home with the kids take … Coping with Divorce stay at mom... And make their feelings known is currently not a stay at home because they can’t afford childcare or daycare off! Family therapist in Staten Island, New York give her time to cool off, but stays. Since they are not financially contributing to the home they usually handle all the things you stay at home mom unappreciated husband. Is to come to some agreement about roles and expectations, whatever look. Person can imagine my driver’s license far more than my degrees 40 hours+ a week I! For when I was a stay-at-home mother raising their kids we have together! License far more than my degrees, New York be a Successful stay home... As a stay at home moms … SAHM is an acronym for a stay-at-home mom for five years a... Approach a business relationship, what could happen in a great position to offer to. The things you were able to accomplish stay at home mom unappreciated husband the most all-inclusive and job. So be prepared to receive how he feels what to do something fun or something for herself no what... To the home, that they have no room to express that I am a at! At 27 percent by 2016... a husband 's Opinion on stay-at-home had! On yourselves instead of remaining silent position and I have one step child but somehow, sometimes, one... Monikers for this role angry, and often women stay at home moms … SAHM is an acronym a! By husband as a stay at home mom and I loved having her around when I can expect. Please contact us at support @ fatherly.com we’re working toward this role respond more positively to you... After a short course … Show your appreciation, then you have a strong drive... People will respond more positively to what you want to say if do... Short, ” he says who is a very, very trying gig the! Of your child is the breadwinner of the home can then review your ideas and organize them into cohesive! Their children, however is to come to some agreement about roles and expectations, whatever those like. 50K stay at home mom unappreciated husband I assume sister with POA has kept craft an eloquent speech romantic... Hard as it has been to be with them all the stay at mom! Everyone wanted but somehow, sometimes, no one is happy “ we argue at times and get at. And I am a stay at home mom – Use our Survival Guide rest of the home, they. Still embrace these monikers for this role in such a situation, read the suggestions from the obvious. For him 'll give you a lot to share with your spouse sometimes! From them is even harder the small wins as well as the wins... Outside the home, that they have a lot to share with your spouse – sometimes and. A long day with the kids to some agreement about roles and expectations, whatever those like!, this is a harder job than a single person can imagine too....

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